


Like a virgin

by trash4kpop



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Bottom Lee Taeyong, Dubious Consent, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:15:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26236261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trash4kpop/pseuds/trash4kpop
Summary: Lee Taeyong, 25, NCT Member, Leader, Face of the Group, Centre, Visual, Main Dancer, Main rapper.Lee Taeyong, 25, s̶e̶x̶u̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ ̶f̶r̶u̶s̶t̶r̶a̶t̶e̶d̶ virgin.Basically Lee Taeyong doesn’t know what he’s waiting for or who he’s even saving himself for. Fast forward to a night of drinks, an NCT party and a very touchy Jung Jaehyun - Taeyong thinks he’s definitely more than ready to give his V card up. Because what’s the worst that can happen right?
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong, Kim Jungwoo/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 20
Kudos: 96





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning for mentions of Dubious consent ie. being pressured by society to have sex. I just want y'all to be safe while reading.

Taeyong thinks it’s funny. Ha Ha Ha. 

“Lee Taeyong is kinky.” 

“Lee Taeyong must be freaky in bed” 

“The lyrics to whiplash is crazy, Taeyongie, I used to think you’re innocent ㅋㅋㅋ” 

Taeyong scrolls through more comments. 

“I think Taeyong probably sleeps around a lot” 

“How many exs do you think Taeyong has? I’m thinking it’s in the near 20s” 

“Taeyong probably has a lot of sex”

Taeyong actually lets out a chuckle at that one. 

Well, until he sees the next comment replying.

“Uh duh, he’s 24, every normal 24 year old has sex. You think Taeyong’s different just because he’s your oppar?” 

Taeyong’s heart clenches. 

It’s that sudden feeling and doubt that arises within him. 

Taeyong closes the tab. 

Taeyong puts his phone down. 

Taeyong thinks. Hard. 

Am I normal? 

Taeyong bites on his lower lip and thinks harder. 

Everyone else in NCT 127. And when he says everyone he means everyone. Has done it before. But not him. 

Even freaking Haechan popped his cherry just a few months back after turning 19, getting “congratulations” and “great jobs” from the rest of the team. 

Taeyong suddenly feels like a freak. 

Okay. No. Taeyong always felt like a freak. It’s just that there is attention currently being called onto this fact. 

Taeyong was 24 for fuck’s sake. And he hasn’t even gone past 2nd base with anyone. 

Was there something wrong with him-

“Hyung! Dinner is ready!” 

Doyoung shouts from the kitchen outside. 

Taeyong pushes his thoughts away. 

Taeyong puts on a smile. 

“I’m coming” 

\--- 

Doyoung is always quick to realise when something is off with his members. Being one of the older ones in the group, he has made it his personal responsibility to keep a close eye on his dongsaengs. 

Oh. 

Doyoung notes that Taeyong is not okay.

Scratch that. 

Dongsaengs and hyungs. 

“Taeyongie Hyung. What’s wrong?” 

Doyoung decides to ask, seeing that the pink haired man hardly even touched his food and was completely uninvolved with the conversations happening beside him. (But then again the dreamies were all shouting and noisy so it’s understandable Taeyong did not want to be a part of it.)

Taeyong looks up, train of thoughts broken by the sound of Doyoung’s calming voice. 

“Hmm. Nothing. I’m ok.” 

Taeyong gives the younger boy a quick smile and turns back to his food. This time eating some rather than just pushing around the jjigae that the younger man made. 

Doyoung frowns. And he most definitely doesn’t let it slide. 

\--- 

There weren’t that many of them in the dorm. Johnny, Haechan and Taeil were hanging in their own rooms. The dreamies returned to their own dorms after the meal and the rest were out on a schedule. 

Doyoung puts away the last of the dishes before deciding to head to Taeyong’s room. 

“Hyung? Can we talk?”

Doyoung invites himself in. 

Taeyong looks up from his phone. 

“Hmm? What’s up?” 

Taeyong didn’t want to talk about it. He feels stupid enough. 

“I think I should be asking you that” 

Doyoung sits himself down on Taeyong’s bedside. 

Taeyong sighs. 

“I’m ok Doyoung, please stop worrying about me” 

Doyoung was not letting this go that easily, so he peered over to see what Taeyong was looking at. 

Comments section. 

Something in Doyoung snaps just thinking that someone could be saying hateful things about Taeyong to make him upset.

“Yong, you shouldn’t listen to comments, the people don’t know you” 

Doyoung says and Taeyong just stares at the younger boy. 

“You’re a great idol, a great performer, I don’t know what negative comments have upsetted you but you should know that I love you ok hyung? We all love you” 

Taeyong wants to laugh. 

Doyoung? 

The boy who teases him all day in front of the cameras is telling him this. 

Damn. 

“Doyo-” 

The younger man cuts him off. 

“I mean it Taeyong. You are really talented. I admire you a lot even if we bicker from time to time, I only do that cause I care about you as a person” 

Taeyong is suddenly in a much better mood. 

“Doie. I’m not upset about hate comments” 

Doyoung suddenly feels mildly embarrassed that he read the situation wrong and even exposed a softer side to Taeyong for nothing. 

“I just- think... “

Taeyong wants to finish his sentence but it sounds so stupid. 

To even be upset over this was stupid. 

“What do you think yong?” 

Doyoung inches a little closer to the NCT leader. 

“Nevermind, it’s stupid” 

Taeyong doesn’t like to talk about this. Because it only makes things awkward for everyone. 

“HYUNG AHHHHH. I already poured my heart out to you, the least you can do is tell me what’s wrong” 

Doyoung whined before pouting. 

Taeyong smiles. 

“Please, I’m sure it’s not stupid” 

Doyoung assures him again for good measure. 

Taeyong sighs again, before handing the phone over to Doyoung. 

Doyoung takes the iphone and sees that Taeyong was reading comments on Whiplash. 

All the top comments were talking about Taeyong and Taeyong’s lyrics. 

Doyoung furrows his brows. 

What’s wrong-

Oh. 

And Taeyong’s sex life. 

Doyoung doesn’t really know what to say. 

“These people don’t know you” 

Doyoung decides to remind the older man, handing his phone back to him. 

“Doyoung. Do you think there is something wrong with me” 

Doyoung makes direct eye contact with Taeyong. And the way Taeyong was looking at him with big puppy eyes, Doyoung found it hard to believe the man was older than him. 

“Of course not Tae. You are perfect the way you are” 

Taeyong instantly shakes his head. 

“No. I’m talking about the fact that I’m a freaking grown ass man and I’ve never. You know. Done it” 

Taeyong feels his cheeks heating up even saying that out loud. 

Doyoung scratches the back of his neck. 

“Do you want to do it?” 

Taeyong blinks his eyes at the sudden question. 

“What?” 

Doyoung rephrases his question. 

“Do you want to have sex? Do you think about it? Do you crave it?” 

Doyoung asked, completely serious. 

Taeyong bites on his lower lip. 

He’s never thought about it. He just feels weird for being a virgin because of how society worked, not really because he felt like he wanted it and didn’t have a chance to do it. 

“I don’t know…”

Taeyong trails off. Uncertain. 

“Then you shouldn’t be pressured to have it” 

Doyoung says, like it’s the easiest thing in the world. 

Taeyong huffs. Easy for you to say Kim Doyoung. You lost your V-Card predebut when you were 19. 

“I wish I wasn’t pressured to lose my virginity”

Doyoung adds. 

And Taeyong just looks at the taller man with wide eyes. He’s never shared that before. 

“The sex was consensual, don’t worry, but looking back I just felt like I wanted to do it, cause everyone was doing it and I wanted to try what everyone was doing. I wish I could have taken my time to figure out everything and be 100% ready before trying it” 

Taeyong doesn’t feel that weird anymore. 

“Are you ready now Doie?” 

Taeyong asks.

There is a slight pause. 

“Hmm, not exactly and thus the extreme singleness.” 

Doyoung smiles so brightly that Taeyong smiles with him. 

“You see. I haven’t had sex in so long, I’m practically a virgin again anyway” 

Taeyong rolls his eyes. 

“I don’t think that is how it works Doie” 

Doyoung laughs. 

“My point is that you shouldn’t have sex until you feel ready to. Until you actually want to. Don’t feel pressured because of some stupid comments. Ok?” 

Taeyong looks at the younger man. Damn, he was supposed to be the more mature one in this relationship. 

“Ok” 

Doyoung smiles before tickling the older man. 

Scratch that, Taeyong still was the more mature one of them two. 

\---

After that talk, Taeyong doesn’t have doubts anymore. 

Whatever, he was a successful idol who put his time and effort into perfecting his craft. He didn’t have time to date or meet people or to have sexy times okay? 

Taeyong was kind of okay with that. 

Career first. 

Relationship second. Or fifth. 

You know, Taeyong had priorities. 

\--- 

Honestly, Taeyong wasn’t that into writing raunchy lyrics. Whiplash had been a mess to put it frankly. 

SM entertainment had been pushing the strong “sexy” vibe for Taeyong for the longest time and Taeyong was given very little say in what their songs were about. 

He had foolishly thought if he pushed it by writing lyrics that were TOO dirty, they would have to stop trying to push him in the sex appeal direction. 

But alas, that wasn’t the case. 

Baby don’t stop was the result of that. 

Taeyong knows what the song is about. 

His virgin ass is quaking just at the thought of it. 

“I can’t believe SM is making us sing a song about having sex without batting an eye” 

Ten voices out in the practice room. 

“I’m not complaining tho” 

Ten laughs and Taeyong tries to laugh along too. 

Ten was so in touch with his sexuality that Taeyong almost feels jealous. 

This song was made for someone like Ten. 

Taeyong, for lack of a better word, just felt like a phoney. 

He was supposed to be singing about sex when he hasn’t even had it. 

Hell, he hasn’t even properly touched himself before. 

Not that he was going to be telling the public about this. 

\---

Taeyong doesn’t want it to affect him. 

But Ten can tell that it does. 

“Yong, you’re being weird. What’s wrong” 

Ten cuts to the chase and asks as he stops the music. 

Taeyong opens his mouth to give a lame excuse. 

“Before you give a stupid excuse. I’m actually pretty tired, so let’s just skip to the part when you actually tell me what’s wrong ok?” 

Damn it. Ten could really see right through him. 

Taeyong sighs and sits down on the dance room ground. 

Ten joins him. 

“I don’t think this song suits me” 

Taeyong says flatly. 

Ten furrows his brows. 

“What are you talking about? Your rapping was great and your dancing is amazing too-” 

Taeyong shakes his head. 

“I just don’t really… relate… to this song” 

Taeyong hopes Ten gets it. Because to have to spell it out to Ten, Taeyong doesn’t know if he can even do it. Ten might burst out laughing at him. 

“Cause you are a virgin? Big deal Yong. When you perform just imagine you’re singing about how good it feels to like touch yourself or something” 

Ten says casually. 

And Taeyong goes silent. Eyes looking everywhere except at Ten. 

There is a pause. 

And then.

It clicks. 

“Omg. Tae. You do touch yourself right?” 

Ten doesn’t ask offensively. More of with genuine curiosity. 

Taeyong doesn’t know what to say. 

“Gosh.” 

Ten runs a hand through his hair. 

“I have so much I have to teach you” 

Taeyong’s eyes widen. 

“As in. Teach you about. I’m not touching you. Sorry, I have a strict no fucking my bandmates policy” 

Ten corrects himself incase Taeyong had thought he was insinuating they have sex. 

“I think you should try getting off Tae. Like by yourself. Trust me, you’ll feel good and then you’ll know what Baby don’t stop is all about” 

Ten laughs and nudges Taeyong. 

“As in, you shouldn’t feel pressured to. But there isn’t any harm in trying to make yourself feel good right?” 

Ten says and Taeyong somehow finds that Ten’s words do make sense. 

Taeyong gives Ten an awkward smile and a nod. 

\---

Baby don’t stop was a hit. 

Taeyong has only Ten to thank. 

He was right. 

Oh… He was really right. 

\--- 

Taeyong loves Ten. But at the same time. Hates him. 

Oh…. He hates him so much. 

Because Ten never mentioned that while getting off would feel good. He would like it so much that he would think about it from time to time. 

Baby…. Don’t stop indeed. 

Taeyong wishes he never started touching himself. 

Because now that he started…. 

There was no going back. 

He doesn’t know how the hell he went 25 years of his life not doing it. And with a small encouragement from Ten, Taeyong suddenly became president of the horny boys club. 

FUCK U TEN.

\--- 

Baby don’t like it. 

Taeyong doesn’t like that song, he loves it. 

Something has changed within Lee Taeyong and he suddenly feels like he suddenly lowkey relates to songs about sex. 

I mean was he still a virgin? Uh hell yuh. 

But something clicked within him. 

Like his eyes are opened for the first time. 

And it’s all good. 

Okay. 

No. 

It’s mostly good. 

Because there was a downside. 

A very weird downside. 

Taeyong can’t believe it. 

He really can’t. 

Ok, he knew that he had attractive groupmates. 

Hell, his whole team were visuals. 

But…. 

He had never actually felt attracted to any of them. 

And especially not sexually attracted to them.

Well, not until…

“Yonggggg, can you come pass me a towel, I forgot to take one” 

Taeyong was busy writing the lyrics for Baby don’t like it when he heard one of his bandmates scream from the washroom. 

Fine. He needed a break anyway. 

Taeyong gets up, grabs a towel and heads to the toilet. 

He knocks thrice. 

“Just come in and help me hang the towel up, the door isn’t locked” 

Taeyong does as he is told, but as he opens the door. 

It was as if he were in a movie. 

No. Porno. 

There was hot steam coming out from the shower area making the whole room foggy. 

Taeyong focuses on the task at hand, just hang it and go, just hang it and go, just hang it and-

“OW” 

Taeyong slips so hard, he doesn’t register that he fell until he feels pain rising up his spine, pulsating through the veins of his body. 

“Hyung, are you okay?” 

The water cuts off. 

Taeyong wants to say yes, but it really hurts. 

Taeyong tries to get up but the pain temporarily immobilises him. 

The shower door swings open. 

And Taeyong can’t help but stare. 

“OMG Yong. Let me help you up” 

Jaehyun is naked. 

Very naked. 

And not to mention, dripping wet. 

Taeyong tries to think about pure things. 

And not how a very naked Jaehyun is bending down to pick him up. 

“Towel!! Wear a towel Hyun” 

Taeyong refuses to let the wet boy touch him without one. 

Taeyong has to actually forcefully peel his eyes away from Jaehyun’s sculpted body. Feeling his cheeks heat up at how wrong he felt for even having impure thoughts about his member. They freaking grew up together for crying out loud. This was so wrong. On so many levels. 

Jaehyun does as he’s told. Quickly wiping himself down before tying the towel around his waist. 

“I’ll carry you out okay, just be still” 

Jaehyun commands, in an assertive tone. Worried that Taeyong was actually severely injured all because of him. 

Taeyong hates that all of this was kind of a turn on. He never even knew he was into this. Hell, he never thought he would be into Jaehyun but he was. 

Jaehyun picks Taeyong up like he’s nothing, carrying him bridal style to his room. 

“Does your back really hurt?” 

Jaehyun lays Taeyong on the bed. 

“I’m so sorry hyung, I forgot to mention the floor was wet. I’m sorry I caused you to fall” 

Taeyong could feel a bruise forming where he fell, but he was alright. It just really hurt. 

“It’s ok Hyun. I’m fine” 

Jaehyun licks his lips and smiles at that, sending shivers down Taeyong’s spine. 

“Just stay in bed ok, I’ll take care of you for the rest of the day, just in case” 

Taeyong almost forgets how to speak. 

So he nods. 

Satisfied, Jaehyun turns around to get some clothes out from his closet, flexing as he puts a shirt on. 

Taeyong tries not to stare. 

Jaehyun drops the towel onto the ground. 

His ass. 

His very naked ass.

Taeyong looks away. 

Oh fuck. 

Taeyong knows he’s screwed.


	2. Drink

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another warning: Dubious Consent ie. agreeing to sex while drunk

Okay. The problem with seeing someone in that way. 

Once you do, you can’t unsee it. 

Taeyong doesn’t know what was happening. 

He didn't always think Jaehyun was this good looking. 

He feels wrong for even having not the purest thoughts about Jaehyun. 

Okay, yes. 

Jaehyun was a 23 year old man. 

And yes, Jaehyun was a fineeeeee man. 

But still…. 

Taeyong doesn’t want to take advantage of the fact they are close to steal peaks of Jaehyun’s fit body. 

“Does this look ok for me to wear to the beach?”

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. 

A sleeveless tank. 

Taeyong gulps. 

“What’s the point of wearing a shirt if you are going to take it off later Jae” 

Johnny jokes. 

Taeyong shivers internally. 

The thoughts he is having right now… 

Jaehyun would be disgusted if he knew. 

\--- 

Taeyong doesn’t know how to reverse this. 

Just because of that stupid wet floor. 

Just because of the stupid fall he had. 

Just because stupid Jaehyun couldn’t remember to take a stupid towel in-

“Tae, is your back feeling ok?” 

Jaehyun was at the door. 

This time, fully clothed. 

Thankfully. 

He lets himself in. 

Taeyong makes a mental note that a lot of members tend to do that. 

“I’m better. It barely hurts anymore” 

Taeyong tries not to make eye contact. 

Jaehyun twiddles his thumbs. 

Jaehyun feels bad. 

It was his fault that Taeyong was even hurt to start with. 

It wasn’t just a bruise. 

It was a sprain. 

If it was any worse than a minor one, Taeyong might not have been able to join them for their upcoming comeback. 

“Are you angry at me?” 

Jaehyun decides to ask what has been on his mind. 

He tries to read the older one’s expression. 

“What? No. Of course not. Why?” 

Taeyong was taken aback.

“You have just been acting a little different since I caused you to fall in the toilet. I’m really sorry Tae, please don’t hate me” 

Jaehyun looked guilty. 

Jaehyun looked sad. 

Jaehyun looked afraid. 

Afraid that Taeyong hated him. 

If only he had known it was the exact opposite of that.

Taeyong stares at Jaehyun. 

The 23 year old suddenly looked like the 16 year old he was when they had just met again.

Taeyong shakes his head. 

“I could never hate you Hyun” 

Taeyong says and he means it.

Jaehyun relaxes at that. 

“That’s good. You mean a lot to me Tae, I hate feeling weird with you” 

Taeyong agrees. 

“Get some rest okay? Your back needs it” 

Jaehyun hums as he starts to head for the door. 

“I’m already almost fully recovered” 

Taeyong reminds the younger boy. 

“Yeah, what I meant was that your OLD back needs it” 

Jaehyun jokes. 

And Taeyong laughs, hard at that. 

“You little bitch, next time get your own towel or walk out naked” 

Taeyong sticks out his tongue. 

“GOODNIGHT HYUNG” 

Jaehyun says, closing the door behind him as he escapes a triggered Taeyong. 

Taeyong smiles to himself. 

Oh, so that’s how you reverse it. 

\--- 

NCT Party. 

Be there or be square. 

Taeyong looks at the invite. 

There was the promise of food, music and lots of alcohol. 

There was something about the last of the dreamies hitting legal drinking age, and them wanting to all get wasted as a team. All 21 of them. 

Taeyong was not the drinking type, but how could he say no to his precious dongsaengs. 

“Remember to dress up ok Hyung” 

Chenle hums as he continues to pass the invites out. 

It was just going to be an NCT only event. Taeyong wants to tell them that it was ridiculous to dress up for each other but looking at the little 19 year old’s eyes, Taeyong decides he could put in a little bit of effort for them. 

\--- 

Okay. 

It was NOT an NCT only event. 

What was going on. 

There was a twice member here, a BTS member there, what was this? K Con? 

Taeyong looks around for his members, or well, an explanation. 

He spots Jungwoo talking to Lucas. 

Flirtily.

Okay, another member. 

Doyoung was talking to Jinyoung happily with a drink in his hand. 

Ok. 

“What’s going on?” 

Taeyong interrupts their conversation to ask. 

“Oh hey Taeyong” 

Jinyoung smiles and Taeyong realises how rude he was. 

“Sorry, I’m just a little confused” 

Taeyong gives Jinyoung a little bow as he looks to Doyoung for a little explanation. 

“Ok. This was said to be an NCT only event because we wanted the sm staff to leave us all alone to do what we wanted” 

Doyoung explains. 

“And I wasn’t told at all?” 

Taeyong asks, dumbfounded. 

“Well, only people asking along friends were told” 

Doyoung says, as a matter of factly. 

“And I wasn’t told?”

Taeyong asks again. 

“Taeyong, NCT are your only friends” 

Doyoung says casually. 

Jinyoung laughs. 

Taeyong’s eyes widen. 

“Excuse me. I have friends” 

Taeyong adds. 

“Name 3 friends” 

Doyoung smirks. 

Taeyong sees Johnny in the crowd. 

“I gotta go.” 

\--- 

Johnny was with the EXO members (who were also Taeyong’s friend ok FYI Doyoung.) 

“Here you go” 

Johnny hands the leader a drink. 

“What’s this” 

Taeyong asks, before giving Kai, Sehun and Baekhyun a nod. 

“It’s apparently Baekhyun’s secret concoction” 

Johnny explains. 

Before holding his cup to cheers the one that was currently in Taeyong’s hand. 

Taeyong almost chokes. 

“No offense Baek, this tastes like ass” 

The EXO members laugh in unison. 

“It’s not supposed to taste good, but trust me, in a while, it will make you feel good” 

Baekhyun said, wiggling his eyebrow. 

Taeyong was doubtful but he cheers his cup against Johnny’s and decides to down it in a swig. 

“Ok, woah. Slow down Yong. This shit is really potent.”

Sehun warns before exchanging a worried glance with Johnny. 

“It’s okay, Tae is a big boy, he can handle himself right?”

Johnny nudges Taeyong on the shoulder. 

Baekhyun was right. He was starting to feel the buzz and damn did it feel good. 

Taeyong giggles. 

“Another one pleaseeeeee” 

Johnny laughs before handing him another cup. It was going to be a fun night. 

\--- 

Taeyong doesn’t know when. 

And he doesn’t know how. 

And he doesn’t know why. 

But he couldn’t find Johnny or the other EXO members anymore. 

He was alone. 

Well, not alone. But in a sea of people he didn’t recognise. 

Taeyong takes out his cellphone but everything’s a blur. 

He panics for a moment. 

He doesn’t want to cry, but something about alcohol gives him no inhibitions. 

“Taeeeeeee!!!” 

Taeyong perks up at that. 

He looks around. 

Hmm. 

Jaehyun. 

And in his hazy state, Taeyong could tell he was with his 97 liner friends. 

“Come here Tae!!!” 

Taeyong could tell that Jaehyun was a little drunk but who was he to say anything when he couldn’t even use his phone properly at this point. 

“Hey Taeyong!!” 

Jungkook, Mingyu and Eunwoo welcomed the older man as they offered him another beer. 

Taeyong wasn’t sure if he should be drinking anymore but all it took was a-

“Hyung, drink with meeee” 

For him to accept the drink and start chugging it. 

\---

Taeyong never felt comfortable with Jaehyun’s friends. Maybe cause they were younger than him. Or maybe cause they were intimidatingly good looking but with alcohol, everything was going great. 

Taeyong was buzzed that Jaehyun’s friends were inviting and friendly and they even laughed at his jokes. 

“Oh my gosh, we should play truth or dare!!!” 

Someone from the next table shouts. 

And instantly there were cheers. 

Somewhere down the line, Taeyong and the 97 liners were roped into the game as well. 

Taeyong was at a point where he could hardly recognise anyone in the circle he was at.

Ok, that was Mark and Haechan. 

Or was that Mark and Winwin. 

Oh wait, they just kissed, it’s Mark and Haechan.

Ok. Point is, Taeyong was really drunk. 

And the only thing that was keeping him grounded was the warmth coming from the man seated closely next to him. 

“Hyung, are you cold, you can have my jacket. Or we can share” 

Taeyong realised long ago that a drunk Jaehyun was an affectionate Jaehyun. 

The younger man draped his jacket over his shoulders and pulled his chair so near that his body was pressing firmly against his. 

“Spin the bottle!!!” 

Winwin? 

Or was it an EXO member that shouts? 

Taeyong doesn’t know. 

“Hyung, are you okay?” 

Jaehyun raises his volume so that Taeyong can hear him. 

Taeyong looks at the younger man weirdly. 

And suddenly everyone is screaming at him to pick. 

“TRUTH OR DARE TAEYONG” 

Huh?

Taeyong was honestly pretty disorientated. 

So one of Jaehyun’s friends picks for him. 

“DARE!!!”

Good. Taeyong knew deep down he thought it was better because he might say something wrong in front of all these popular idols. 

“WE DARE YOU TO MAKE OUT WITH SOMEONE IN THIS CIRCLE” 

Instantly there were screams. 

Taeyong doesn’t exactly register the dare until 3 seconds later. 

“WHO DO YOU WANNA MAKE OUT WITH”

Taeyong vaguely panics. 

He doesn’t know. 

He barely knows how to properly kiss someone. 

Much less make out with them. 

And then, there was a comforting hand on his cheek. 

A warm breath on his neck. 

A deep voice asking him. 

“Hyung, can I kiss you?” 

Taeyong freezes. 

But the shouts intensify. 

“Ok” 

Taeyong says, only audible for himself and Jaehyun to hear. 

There is a pause and suddenly. 

Warm lips on his. 

Taeyong feels like he’s in heaven. 

“ARE YOU EVEN USING TONGUE?”

At that Jaehyun deepens the kiss, really giving everyone at the circle a show they won’t forget. 

There were cheers. 

Everything was like fireworks. 

It felt like a dream. 

And suddenly as suddenly as it began, it ended as Jaehyun pulled back. 

Leaving Taeyong breathless. 

Jaehyun lightly touches his cheek. 

“Was that ok?” 

Jaehyun asks, almost shyly. 

Taeyong blinks.

Before nodding. 

Jaehyun holds him a little closer to his chest. 

Taeyong prays that Jaehyun can’t hear how loud his chest is beating. 

Fuck. 

All the feelings that Taeyong had for Jaehyun. 

They were back. 

And damn were they back in full force. 

\--- 

Taeyong needs to leave. 

Okay, he wants nothing more than to stay in Jaehyun’s arms, Jaehyun’s stupidly well sculpted arms but this was wrong, this was bad, this wasn’t going to end well. 

Taeyong gets up, but the world is spinning. 

Damn. 

Taeyong knows he had a few too many drinks. 

“Yong, are you ok, where are you going?” 

Instantly, Jaehyun is up and his arms are protectively around Taeyong’s. 

Fuck. 

Taeyong shakes Jaehyun’s grip off of him and pushes past the crowd to leave. 

“I gotta go”

Taeyong mutters.

Hoping, no, praying the younger man doesn’t follow him. 

“Tae, what’s wrong” 

Taeyong was stopped by a tighter grip on his arm. 

One that said, I’m not letting you go till you tell me what’s up. 

Taeyong turns around to face the taller man. 

Fuck. 

Even in this low light, Jaehyun was perfect. 

His hair slightly tousled. 

His arm muscles bulging from his shirt sleeves. 

His lips just pink enough that Taeyong wants to-

WHAT THE FUCK. 

Taeyong doesn’t know what even goes over himself. 

But he was pressing his lips on Jaehyun. 

And what was more surprising was that Jaehyun was actually kissing him back. 

With an intensity that sent shivers down Taeyong’s spine and heat to other areas. 

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. 

Jaehyun carded his hand through the older’s bleached one as he deepened the kiss, his hand trailing down to linger over the older man’s ass. 

Taeyong tenses. 

Apparently visibly because Jaehyun pulls away momentarily. 

“Is this ok?” 

Jaehyun asks, in the softest tone possible. 

Taeyong isn’t proud of his ass. 

He thinks he has a rather flat butt to be honest. 

“I’m scared you won’t like what you get” 

Taeyong doesn’t know where he got his courage to voice out his insecurities, but he thinks it could be from the copious amounts of alcohol he had just ingested. 

Jaehyun shakes his head. 

“You’re perfect Tae, everything about you is perfect” 

Fuck. 

Those words and the way that Jaehyun had said them made him feel a certain type of way. 

Taeyong presses his lips back on Jaehyun, allowing Jaehyun to rest his hands anywhere he pleases. 

\--- 

If you asked Taeyong how he thought he was going to lose his virginity, he wouldn’t exactly know, but one thing’s for sure, he never thought he would lose it in a janitor’s closet. 

But as life would have it. 

It all happens so fast, Taeyong doesn’t really know what he’s doing. 

One minute he’s making out with Jaehyun and the next the boy is asking if he could suck him off. 

And fuck was Jaehyun good at it. 

Taeyong doesn’t have anything or anyone to compare Jaehyun to but fuck, Jaehyun made him feel so freaking good. 

“Fuck me” 

Taeyong requests.

“Are you sure?” 

Jaehyun checks. 

Taeyong was tired of waiting. He was sexually frustrated. And fuck, he has had the hots for Jaehyun for the past few weeks. Taeyong was 100% sure, even while drunk that he was ready for this and that he wanted Jaehyun in him. Now.

“Yes, please” 

Jaehyun kisses him on the lips. 

“I’ll be gentle” 

Jaehyun promises. 

And Taeyong laughs. 

“Please… Don’t” 

Fuck Ten for getting him to figure out what he likes. Taeyong is lowkey embarrassed but Jaehyun kisses him again before he lets the awkwardness linger, this time a lot rougher, just the way that Taeyong likes it. 

Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While drinking, one's judgement might be clouded and so I labeled this chapter also as dub con, please always be safe! Let me know what you will like to see happen in this fic and it might just happen HAHA


	3. The morning after

Yes. 

The night was amazing. 

But the morning??? 

OH HELL NO. 

Taeyong wakes up with nothing but a jacket strewn over him with a sticky body next to him and-

“OH MY FUCKING GOD” 

Taeyong screams so loudly that Jaehyun wakes up in a heartbeat, ready to attack. 

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. 

This was not happening. 

This was not actually happening. 

Taeyong did not sleep with Jaehyun. 

He did not. 

The memories flood back. 

FUCK. 

HE DID. 

\---

Jaehyun is still disorientated. 

Ok. 

What. 

What the hell. 

Who was screaming early in the morning-

OMG. 

Taeyong. 

What the heck happened last night. 

Jaehyun looks down. 

He was naked. 

And so was Taeyong. 

Oh fuck. 

\---

Don’t panic. 

It’s cool. 

Take a deep breath- 

“OMG I’M NOT A VIRGIN ANYMORE” 

Taeyong blurts out. 

Jaehyun blinks. Hard. 

Fuck. 

Fuck. 

FUCK. 

Jaehyun feels weird. 

No. 

It wasn’t that he felt weird. 

He felt guilty. 

FUCK. 

“I’M SORRY TAE” 

Okay. 

Jung Jaehyun was the biggest piece of shit in the whole wide world. Taeyong was dead drunk and he had sex with him. I mean he was dead drunk too but that didn’t change the fact that he felt horrible for tainting Taeyong and stealing his V-card. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. 

“WHY ARE WE SHOUTING” 

Taeyong asks, while… shouting. 

“I DON’T KNOW I’M JUST SORRY” 

Jaehyun replies, while shouting. 

“Okay” 

Taeyong says calmly. 

“We had sex” 

Taeyong says like it’s nothing. 

And it really wasn’t. 

“And I’m sorry. It completely slipped my mind that you’ve never… And I shouldn’t have even kissed you. I shouldn’t have offered to give you a… Taeyong, fuck man, I’m sorry-”  
Taeyong frowns. 

“Why are you apologising?”

Jaehyun looks at the older man who had messy hair sticking up in all angles. 

Jaehyun knows it is stupid to say it but he feels bad that-

“Your first time should have been special. With someone special, but instead, you lost your virginity to me… in a janitor’s closet” 

Jaehyun feels like he was in a badly written fanfic. (OOF) This was so hard for him to wrap his head around. 

Taeyong blinks hard. 

It really wasn’t a big deal. 

“I’m sorry I stole your virginity Hyung. I feel horrible” 

Taeyong frowns. 

He suddenly tries to recall the events that happened last night. 

Had the sex been bad? 

Was he horrible and that is why Jaehyun was behaving this way. 

“Tae, please say something. Are you ok?” 

Taeyong nibbles on his lower lip, hesitating before he voices out. 

“You didn’t steal my virginity Jae, I more than willingly gave it to you” 

Jaehyun’s cheeks turn mildly red at that confession. 

“Please don’t feel bad. Unless… well… unless I was really bad last night” 

Taeyong doesn’t look at the younger man. 

And it takes a moment for Jaehyun to catch on. 

“Huh- what- No. No, you were perfect Taeyong, really.” 

Jaehyun assures the older man. 

And Taeyong beams at that. 

“But this was a mistake. One I will take full responsibility for. We had too much to drink and one thing let to another and I should have knew better to have stopped it before we ended up… well, over here” 

Jaehyun points at their still very naked bodies. 

It was Taeyong’s turn to blush. 

“Let’s just both assume some blame and get dressed and go?”

Taeyong rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. 

“YES” 

Jaehyun says, almost in a shout. 

\--- 

Okay. 

Jaehyun gets it. 

Taeyong is smol. 

And kinda cute despite his extreme RBF and straight fire stage presence. 

But seriously. 

Surely everyone was overreacting. 

“OMG BABY” 

Johnny screams when Taeyong enters the dorm. 

“Are you ok???? Where did you go??????”

Doyoung literally runs to the door to welcome him in. 

“HYUNGGGGGG WE WERE ALL SO WORRIED” 

Even the dreamies were fussing. 

Earth to NCT, Jaehyun was gone all night too… 

Jaehyun watches as the members rush to coo at Taeyong asking him what happened last night. 

Taeyong just shakes his head and smiles. 

“I’m fineeee~” 

Taeyong says in a sing-song manner. 

Oh. 

Oh shit. 

That is some pretty fucking cute shit. 

Jaehyun is mildly whipped for soft Taeyong. 

And he can see why the other members feel the need to PROTECCCCC!!!! the older guy although he was years older than some of them. 

“Where did you go? OMG I was so freaking worried when you just disappeared. Baekhyun called all the EXOs to try to help find you. Suho was freaking out ok” 

Taeyong looks at Johnny and he can tell the older boy was worried sick. 

“I was still at the party I just got separated from you” 

Taeyong explains himself. 

“But you were okay? No one hurt you? Where did you go? I tried coming back to the dorm thinking you were here” 

Taeyong was really thankful he was not the oldest. 

That someone as aggressively protective as Johnny was a little older than him. 

Taeyong looks at Jaehyun for a brief moment before opening his mouth, a bit unsure of what to even say. 

“Jaehyun, you came back with him. Were you two together?”

Johnny turns to ask the younger guy instead.

UMMMMMM.

This was awkward. 

Jaehyun looks at Taeyong. 

And then back at Johnny. 

Somehow Jaehyun feels like this was him meeting his father in law and having to explain that he’s the man his daughter is calling daddy-

“OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH ITZ THE LOVE BIRDSSSSS”

Jaehyun rarely likes the annoying whine of the 127 maknae, but today? He particularly HATES it. 

Haechan. 

He walks out of his room, casually joining everyone in the living room.

HE KNOWS. 

Well, he knows some of it. 

“LOVEBIRDS???”

Many of the members were taken aback. 

What in tarnation?? 

Where did this even come from. 

“EXPLAIN”

Johnny asks. 

Completely directed at Jaehyun. 

Taeyong sees the discomfort in the younger’s eyes, so he steps in. 

“We kissed”

Taeyong says, like it’s nothing. 

“It was for a truth or dare game” 

Johnny’s eyes widened. 

“AND THEN THEY LEFT TOGETHER” 

Jaehyun thinks back to when Yuta said that one day Haechan was gonna get beaten up. 

Well, today might be that day. 

“OMG. Did y’all DO STUFF???”

Jaehyun turns to Jeno and Jaemin who were wiggling their eyebrows excitedly at this revelation. 

There is a pause. 

Jaehyun doesn’t really want to be the one to say it. 

Say that he was the asshole who had sex with pure, innocent, VIRGIN Taeyong. 

“DID Y’ALL??”

Johnny asks again. 

Jaehyun could tell that Johnny was not messing around, and frankly, an angry Johnny was scary a f. 

Taeyong steps in. Quite literally. 

“I left to throw up. Pretty badly. I really drank too much and was feeling horrible. Jaehyun took care of me all night” 

Jaehyun watches the anger melt off Johnny’s face. 

“Are you feeling better now? Do you need some honey lemon, I’ll go get some for you” 

Damn it with these double standards. 

Taeyong had just as much sex with him as he did with Taeyong. 

And yet, Johnny would never scold Taeyong for doing it with him. 

“Good job Jae” 

Johnny pats Jaehyun on the shoulder as he heads to the kitchen. 

“AWW I was still thinking this would be the night Taeyong would be deflowered” 

Haechan teases. 

Taeyong tenses up at that. 

Jaehyun notices. 

“Chan, Tae will have sex when he’s ready” 

Doyoung says curtly. A warning to the younger man. 

Haechan gets the hint. 

Taeyong doesn’t think it’s a big deal. 

But his group does. 

Damn. 

\---

Jaehyun doesn’t feel horrible. 

But he feels off. 

Like the whole last night was a mistake because he fucked up. 

Damn. 

He never even thought about Taeyong that way before. 

Ok. 

Maybe once. 

Really long ago. 

Like we’re talking years back. 

But it was during their debut days. 

And he was uncertain and nervous.

And Taeyong was so…

Taeyong was well, Taeyong. 

Firm, confident, kind. 

“You’ll do great Jae. You’ll shine on stage. I already know it” 

Assuring. 

Jaehyun remembered how much those words meant to him. 

Especially when they were said right before his first live performance. 

Jaehyun might have had a small crush on Taeyong. 

But fuck that. 

That was 4 years ago. 

And things change. 

Things being, the fact that he knows it's never going to happen. 

If something were to happen, it would have already happened. 

And Jaehyun was comfortable the way things were with the other man. 

He does regret pulling away from the older man though. 

But to be fair, he was 19 and head over heels with a man he knew he couldn’t have. 

The only thing his young heart knew to do was to stay away. 

Hang out more with the other members, he did have 19 other people to hang with. 

And that brings them here. 

They were friends and yet Jaehyun knew there was some sort of distance between them. 

It was something he had raised to his fellow 97 liners. 

He wasn’t on bad terms with Taeyong. But they weren’t as close as he hoped they would be. As they used to be. 

Jaehyun blames himself. 

And now. 

He’s made it worse. 

By sleeping with the man. 

Jaehyun can’t wrap his head over why he did it? 

Did he secretly still have feelings for Taeyong?

UGHHHHHH. 

That was wrong. 

And Taeyong would never feel the same way. 

This was going to make things difficult between the two of them and then NCT, by extension.

Fuck. 

Ok, no fuck. 

Fucking was the main problem to start with. 

URGH. 

\--- 

The last thing Taeyong wants is for things to be awkward. 

With his members. 

With his best friends. 

And with Jaehyun. 

Fuck. 

Taeyong feels guilty. 

Not for having sex. 

That was great 

But for the fact that he had sex with Jaehyun. 

Younger than him, Jung Jaehyun. 

Boy he knew since he was 16, Jaehyun. 

Taeyong feels wrong. 

Fuck. 

There were 7 Billion people on the planet and yet the one person he’s slept with was a member in his group.

But to be fair, he had a pretty big ass group so the percentage of that happening is higher. 

Taeyong runs a hand to his hair. 

And Jaehyun, of all people. 

The one member he finds it hardest to read. 

They were close predebut. 

They spent time together, they hung out, they told each other things that only best friends would know. 

And yet, after debut, Taeyong doesn’t know what went wrong. 

And for the longest time, it was a bitter feeling that welled deep in his heart. 

What did he do wrong? 

Jaehyun was obviously pulling away and yet he could do nothing about it. 

Was it because SM was pushing him as the centre and Jaehyun didn’t like it? 

Was it because of his scandals, the ones that kept Taeyong up all night, crying and praying that it wouldn’t affect his group? 

Or was it because Jaehyun just got tired of him, and outgrown their friendship?

Taeyong could never figure out the reason. 

So he had to learn to accept it. 

There is a knock on his door. 

“Hyung, can we talk?” 

Jaehyun. 

“Yeah, sure” 

Taeyong notes that the younger man closes the door behind him as he enters. 

“What’s up?” 

Taeyong clears his throat awkwardly. 

Jaehyun looks at his feet. 

“I just wanted to talk to you about last night” 

Taeyong feels weird. 

“What about it?” 

Taeyong tries to meet Jaehyun’s eyes. 

“I’m really sorry, I hope this won’t change us” 

Jaehyun says and means. 

Taeyong opens his mouth just to close it. 

He doesn’t really understand. 

“What do you mean?” 

Taeyong frowns, biting on his lower lip. 

Jaehyun ignores how cute the older man looked. 

“What I mean is that, last night was fun, but we should pretend it didn’t happen right? Cause it was a mistake” 

Oh. 

“It meant nothing and we shouldn't tell anyone in case it makes things awkward right?” 

Taeyong doesn’t know why he feels a little hurt by that. 

“What I mean is that we don’t want to constantly be reminded of yesterday right? So we should just keep this between us?” 

Taeyong feels sad. 

Like not heartbroken. 

But something about what happened between the both of them was something dirty and disgusting that couldn’t be talked about in case it ruins Jaehyun’s reputation. Like it wasn’t like Taeyong was going to run around telling everyone he had sex with Jaehyun, but for Jaehyun to tell him not to tell anyone like this, it just felt weird. 

“You’re scared I’ll tell someone” 

Taeyong asks, emotionless. 

Jaehyun wants this kept under wraps more for himself than anything, unsure what he would do if the other members confronted him about his intentions with Taeyong. Damn, Jaehyun doesn’t know okay? He has to think about it. 

“I’m not scared you’ll tell someone. I just don’t want anyone to know ok Yong?” 

Jaehyun doesn’t know what else to say. 

Taeyong wants to ask why. 

But he feels like he already knows. 

Jaehyun was probably embarrassed to have slept with him or something along those lines. 

“I won’t tell” 

Taeyong says flatly. 

Jaehyun doesn’t pick up on the tinge of sadness in Taeyong’s voice. 

“Thanks Yong, get some rest?” 

Jaehyun smiles at the smaller man before excusing himself. 

“Goodnight” 

Jaehyun says before leaving. 

Taeyong doesn’t reply. 

It wasn’t a goodnight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EEK THE ANGST


	4. Hurt

Okay. 

Taeyong wasn’t a virgin. 

Hurray??

Taeyong doesn’t feel any different. 

Life goes on. 

They still had a comeback in a month. 

They still had to train. 

He still had to see and interact with Jaehyun. 

Everything was just how it was supposed to be. 

Well, almost. 

The choreography was just hard. 

The hardest they’ve ever had and Taeyong, main dancer that he was, was even struggling to keep up. 

But to be fair, that was mainly the fault of his back. 

His back that refused to heal properly. 

His back that hurt after the hours of back to back dance practices they had to have. 

His back that was aching from having to carry the entire kpop industry… (JOKES)

Taeyong was just hurting. 

Okay. 

Just suck it up. 

It will be okay. 

Don’t be a big baby. 

Taeyong has to always remind himself that he was literally 25. 

Like what a concept. 

He was a grown man. 

And grown ass men don’t cry to their dance teachers about how they can’t do a teeny weeny dance because their back hurt a teeny little weeny bit. 

SUCK IT UP Taeyong. 

So he does. 

And he does. 

And he does. 

Until one day, he just doesn’t. 

\---

It’s a week to their comeback.

And it’s a bad day. 

Not just for Taeyong. 

But for everyone. 

Cherry bomb was a really hard dance. 

And it was taking a toll on everyone. 

“AGAIN” 

“WATCH YOUR FOOTWORK” 

“PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR ANGLES”

Taeyong almost feels dizzy from having to dance to the same song for hours on end only to be screamed at by their dance instructor when someone messes up. 

But the dizziness was just nothing as compared to the pull he was feeling in his back. 

Cherry bomb needed him to do a flip nearing the end of the song and Taeyong dreads that part the most.

Because the sharp pain that rushes through his veins makes it impossible to dance properly. 

But Taeyong does his best. 

Taeyong always does his best. 

“AGAIN. THIS IS ALMOST YOUR 80TH TIME TODAY!” 

There were groans from the group. 

They’ve been here for hours. 

Everyone was beyond tired, it was no wonder they were messing up. 

Taeyong shuffles into position, ignoring the pain in his back screening at him to do something about it. 

They actually make it to the last verse perfectly. 

Just the dance break and the outro. 

Yes. 

Yes. 

Yes. 

NO. 

Taeyong is not a crier. 

Taeyong is not a loud person. 

But the pain that shoots up his spine. 

Taeyong doesn’t realise how loud he was shouting or crying until his members were in front of him, holding his face and telling him to calm down. 

Everything was a blur. 

“CALL AN AMBULANCE” 

“TAEYONG, what’s wrong, where hurts?” 

“Taeyong, take a deep breath, it’s going to be ok alright” 

Taeyong closes his eyes shut, praying for darkness to take him away. 

It does. 

\--- 

A severely sprained back. 

Two weeks on strict bedrest. 

NO DANCING. 

Hell, Taeyong wasn’t even really allowed to get up even to pee. 

BED REST. 

Taeyong wakes up to 10 familiar faces. 

He can tell, some people were already waiting to give him an earful. 

But Taeyong is tired. 

“Tae, you feeling okay? You’re pretty drugged up right now but if your back still hurts the doctors will up your pain medication dosage” 

Johnny. 

Taeyong knows his members were all worried. 

“I’m sorry” 

Taeyong mumbles. 

“You should have told us your back was hurting. The doctor said it was so badly sprained it was probably swollen days before this happened.”

Taeyong was worried his members were going to be angry. 

“Taeyong-ah, next time if you are not feeling well, you need to tell us, it could have been so much worse” 

But no one was angry, everyone was just concerned. 

Taeyong feels bad. 

“Sorry guys” 

There is a warm hand on his. 

“Stop apologising, just get some rest okay?” 

Doyoung.

Okay. 

That Taeyong could do. 

Taeyong closes his eyes. 

\--- 

Jaehyun feels horrible. 

This was all his fault. 

He should have just remember to grab a stupid towel. 

He was the one that caused Taeyong to fall and injure his back. 

Jaehyun can barely stand to see the smaller man lying on the hospital bed. 

Fuck. 

Jaehyun’s heart hurts. 

The past few weeks have been, well, not great. 

He wasn’t exactly ignoring Taeyong, but trying his best to steer clear of him. 

If there was an NCT dinner, Jaehyun found himself trying to make plans that clashed with it if Taeyong was attending. 

Or sit all the way at the other side of the table, so they wouldn’t have to talk to one another. 

Jaehyun doesn’t want to have to deal with this.

His ever-confusing feelings about the older man. 

Jaehyun doesn’t know what he wants with Taeyong. 

I mean is Taeyong attractive? 

UH YUH DUHHHHH

Jaehyun was pretty damn sure 99% of the Korean population would agree. 

And was Taeyong a likeable person? 

Jaehyun doesn’t fail to notice how Taeyong is always serving the other members first, making sure everyone gets some of the dish before he helps himself to it. 

Hell, Jaehyun remembers a time predebut where Taeyong wasn’t eating well because they didn’t have enough and the older man was giving his share of food to the members he said were “still under-going puberty”. 

Taeyong was beyond nice. One of the kindest people JAehyun has had the luxury of meeting.

Jaehyun’s heart feels weird. 

But that was just seeing Taeyong as a person in general right? 

It’s not like Taeyong was particularly nice to-

“Hyun, you need to raise your hand more to the left when you do this move” 

Taeyong tells him with a polite smile. 

“A bit like this.” 

Jaehyun was cut from his train of thought. 

He has to stop thinking of Taeyong while dancing. 

“Yes, perfect” 

Taeyong nods. 

Jaehyun feels weird. 

“If you need more help, I can stay back with you after class” 

Taeyong offers. 

Jaehyun’s heart races. 

“I’m meeting Jungkook later” 

Jaehyun can’t tell if Taeyong’s smile falters, just minutely. 

“I’ll practice by myself another day” 

Jaehyun smiles back, way too politely”. 

“Thanks Hyung” 

Things were cordial. 

Things were peaceful. 

But things were not how Jaehyun wanted them to be. 

But then again, he didn’t know how he wanted things to be with Taeyong. 

He never knows. 

Well, back to the present. 

An injured Taeyong. 

Fuck. 

Jaehyun should have said something. 

Should have checked on the other man. 

Jaehyun should have been able to tell the younger was struggling. 

But he didn’t. 

Jaehyun feels guilty. 

He remembers noting how Taeyong would be pressing his hand on his back every night on the way back to the dorm. 

How intense Taeyong looked while doing the last part of the dance. 

How Taeyong would wince while they had to do PT as a group. 

Jaehyun blames himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MORE ANGST!!!

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is a mess, I'm trying to work it all out. It is just a ramble so not my best work!!!! Do let me know what you think:)


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